Saturday, July 30, 2011

Anagrams

Bad
Authors
Don't write,

Won't
Read,
Ignore
Teaching,
Edit
Rarely

#

Swell
Writers
Edit,
Learn
Lots,

Will
Read,
Invest
Time,
Earn
Readers'
Support

#

Eat
Dirt,
Inconsistencies,
Typos

Monday, July 25, 2011

Dear Beta:

Unfortunately, you are not how I thought you would be. You're much wordier than I had imagined possible, and how you managed to find your way to a keyboard in the first place is beyond me.

I must admit, I was expecting a quiet companion for my writing. I mean, all the other writers were getting betas. Some agents even said they expected writers to have a beta or two. Boy, do I regret the first time I met you.

Here's what a beta should be:

-Quiet
-Easily pleased
-A good fighter
-An excellent swimmer
-A funny face-maker

You, my friend, are none of these things. If I had to do it over, I would go for a goldfish or a shark or something really, really cool.

Thanks for nothing,

Al G. Pond

Thursday, July 21, 2011

To the Story That Wouldn't Sell:

So long, farewell
Now get thee in my drawer!
My drawer, my drawer,
I am a novel whore.

Diddly diddly dee
Deedly deedly doo.

Good-bye, small fry
Get thee to a shredder!
A shredder, a shredder,
You ain't gettin' no better!

Googly goggly dee
Goggly googly doo.

I'm glad you're dead
I cannot tell a lie.
You suck, you stink
Now, burn, burn and die!

Dimmily deemily dee
Deemily dimmily doo.

Good bye
Good bye

Gooooooood BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
__
Sooo...

That's how I feel sometimes. What writer doesn't? This particular flash fic I am writing to and about was more of a joke than a story. Maybe I'll post it on my blog, and we can all have a good laugh... or stare at one another awkwardly and then lie through our teeth.