Tuesday, June 21, 2011

That's Your Horrorscope for Today

Horoscopes for Writers!

Not that I believe in this bunk (heehee), but I thought it would be fun...

Today someone very close to you will die. Bury him in your bottom drawer and get over it. Be alert, as that blog comment will come back to haunt you.

Do not hit the tequila today. It will hit back. Semi-colons are not your friends. Seek out the tall, dark stranger and kill him.

Rejections will come in twos today. Be sure to pack Kleenex and wear your best thinking cap. And yes, your critique group is out to get you.

The people you critiqued yesterday had thinner skin than you thought. Run when the screaming starts. They are not rabid fans vying for an autograph.

Like a cat, today you will nap. Drool will spill down your chin and onto your keyboard, which will then fizzle and fry as it dies. Beware! Do not shed your tears over the surge protector.

Today our lucky pencil will break. Many deaths will ensue.

Avoid caffeine like the plague, and be sure not to shower or brush your teeth. After staring at your blinking cursor for fifty-blinking-five minutes, your keyboard will cease working.

Your favorite agent is laughing behind your back. They haven't read your manuscript, but it's so funny that its humor radiated through your query letter. You're that hysterical (or horrible.) Avoid the delete button.

Today will bring tomorrow. Be certain to rearrange all your furniture... twice. You will write much nonsense today.

You will discover that your main character is pregnant and that you are the father! Congratulations! You just did the biologically impossible. Go smoke a stoggie. They're good for you.

Your social skills are lacking. Never go out in public again.

The world will end when you type the end. Start a new book immediately or civilization as we know it will be eaten by giant apes.


  1. Oh no! How did you know about my broken lucky pencil. I am having to use the unlucky one instead so beware hand written notes from the UK.

  2. As a Scorpio...I find this hilarious.

  3. ROFL! I am utterly amused at how... relevant yours is, being Capricorn and all :D teehee.

  4. @Dizzy - :-O Oh noes!

    @Elena - As hilarious, this find you Scorpio (Hey, as a Sag., I'm supposed to write much nonsense) o.O

    @Inkblot - Oh. My. Word. *dies*